The Habanera Effect

In just about everyone's life, there come moments of great awareness of one's true self. Some people have these epiphanies in mid conversation, others just in mid thought. I have them in mid car drive.

On March 21st, I awoke at 2 AM sharp. I was soaked from head to toe in a blindingly hot sweat, reeling from the events that had just transpired, in my subconscious. For years, now, I've had a recurring dream or Gene Raymond, one of my "dead movie stars," enlisting my help in finding his wife, Jeanette MacDonald. I'd had that dream, again. Usually, there is no supporting cast, just an open field where Gene and I talk about Jeanette's health, and his concern for her, followed by a series of scenes where I desperately search for her. I've never once found her. In this dream, however, there was a supporting player- one Miss Risë Stevens, Metropolitan Opera Star.

As I shook the feeling of terror from my body, I took solace in the idea that she was in this dream because I had just mentioned her on my Jeanette MacDonald blog. It made perfect sense that I'd have the stress dream, after having, once again, seen the asinine comments from the peanut gallery who believe Gene and Jeanette lived through a fraud marriage while she cavorted with Nelson Eddy.

It was eight hours later, when I got the e-mail to tell me that Risë had died.

Sure, it could all be coincidence. After all, she was old. She was 99, to be exact. My dreaming about her and talking about her the very day she died can be chalked up to nothingness.

On March 22nd, I was on my way to work, listening to Risë's Habanera, when it truly dawned on me that this is not the first time something like this has happened. Something inside of my brain knows when people have died. I don't always know who, until I see it the next day. I just know.

Back up a few more days to Tuesday, March 20th. Driving to the bank, I was hit with a sudden wave of panic. I didn't know why it was happening, but my brain told me it was somehow related to Jeanette MacDonald. It just didn't make much sense, seeing as she's long been gone from the earth. I took a pill and made the panic go away. I didn't have the luxury of pills, though, in November of 2004, when I had an attack while driving to Best Buy, listening to Kathryn Grayson's Habanera. I pulled over to the side of the road to try to let it all out, but I just knew that something was wrong, not with, but somewhere close to Kathryn Grayson. By this time, I talked with her, regularly, so my immediate desire was to call her. I resisted the urge, though, because I didn't want to sound as crazy as I actually am, to my favorite movie star. Later that day, I learned that her co-star and friend, Howard Keel, had died.

On March 21st, I learned that Risë had died. She was a friend of Jeanette MacDonald's.

Somehow, some way, I know when my divas' friends have died. Either that, or I'm the harbinger of death. I prefer to believe that's not the case.